De first weeks after Linda's funeral, it's almost impossible for us to understand that Linda will not be coming home anymore. Some nights we were actually just waiting for Linda to come home from one or other pyjama-party. It is so strange that she's not really with us anymore and that's what it will remain for the time being. Everyone still desperately misses her (more than two months after we took her to the children's court).
Her 5th birthday that she couldn't/wasn't
allowed to celebrate here with us anymore. This day (13th February
2002) many people visited her grave at Selwerderhof and we received
lots of mail. People who want to let her and us know that they
haven't forgotten her birthday. We went to the cemetery in the
afternoon. Miss Bertien, Lies and Angel first came to our house
to bring the "birthday drawing" that Linda made herself.
All this helped us a lot. It's a big comfort to us that Linda
is in a better place now, without pain or coughing. It's just
that we miss her so much!!
These past months have been very strange. Linda no longer among us. Her voice never to be heard anymore except on video and on the computer. Sitting on daddy's lap she sang "the world is beautiful" and this was registered by web cam. The first time I heard this I was crying.
Everybody misses her so much. Our family, classmates and everyone who used to see us walking down the street. If they see me now I think they miss Linda, walking next to me or running ahead of me. Sometimes I look around me although I know she's not there anymore. Everything was difficult to do for the first time, without Linda. Uncle Ruud missed her the first time he saw me by myself at mum and dad's. Having to tell people at the library that she wouldn't come for books anymore. Going to the dentist without her for the first time. Everyone was shocked by the news that our little girl had died. It was so strange. In the afternoon she had a lot of airs ..at 20:15 hours she had passed away.
Fortunately she wasn't ill for a long time but nobody had anticipated that she had had to leave us at such young age. There were so many plans .. She and Didy (her girlfriend) were to have swimming lessons together, we were to go to "Kabouter Plop" together, uncle Rex was planning to show her Paris in a couple of years. All kinds of nice things that couldn't be done anymore.
On February 23rd we received the message that Linda's tombstone was placed. Of course you know she's at the children's court, but seeing the stone makes you very much aware of it. It will be difficult to see the stone with Linda's name on it the next time.
Looking back it turned out better
than expected. Although we know that Linda passed away, everything
seemed so definite seeing the stone. To be confronted with the
fact that she is actually buried at the children's court. Not
Linda herself, just her body. We see Linda at a better place,
in Heaven. Without pain, sorrow and the terrible cough that she
couldn't get rid of. That she sees us and knows that we love
her and will never forget her. And we will never forget her and
cherish our memories of her.